Painfut, yet sweet

whenever hatred fills my heart,
I recall those fragments.
Those flying butterflies inside my stomach.
Secretly wishing for the time to bring them back.
But, hatred.
Confused between hatred and dissappointment.
Overwhelmed in confusion,
The pain hurts even more.
Which way should I step on?

Should I defend?
Then tell me why? How?
I realize that I always hold my breath as I try to,
The pain even hurts more.
Suffocating in despair,
Feeling miserable that time couldn't flow back.
The pain even hurts more,
One step on getting further from me, and I'll dissappear.

Should I retreat?
Then tell me why? How?
Turning my back from those shadows,
Facing those gray mist.
The pain even hurts more,
As the dream became sweeter.
Alluring me to stand again.
And fall once more.
Craving another scar that'll lead me to the ocean of tears.

Or should I attack?
Then tell me why? How?
I have nothing.
Only those fake smile, fake laugh,
When those shadows appeared before my eyes.
The pain hurts even more,
As I realize it was pointless.
Those blank expression,
Those tremor they made,
I feel vulnerable.

The pain hurts even more,
When you gave me THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE! Argh!